What is the cost of living with personal conflict?

You hear it all the time. If you’ve got a problem you can’t solve, get a professional. In other words, if you’ve got a conflict you can’t solve, you seek out a conflict coach, a mediator, a therapist, or counselor.

Many of us balk at these choices because we see them as things other people do, other people who don’t know how to help themselves. This is probably the wrong mindset…because we tend to deny the personal impact of an unhappy, or worst, a violent marriage. Take some minutes to use this chart and evaluate where you are now…it will help you clarify your situation and reach some decisions.

COST	HOW TO APPRAISE IT
1. LOST LIFETIME	Realizing that you married the wrong partner implies also taking into account the years of your life invested in this project. Beyond the learning, you need to manage the perception that you have lost several years of your life, that could have been dedicated to the pursuit of other venues of happiness. Regret, remorse or self-recrimination can appear.
2. SUB-OPTIMAL DECISION-MAKING BECAUSE OF STRESS	Avoidance of important work/ career decisions because they collide with your relationship; subtract some good opportunities and deserved rewards from your life.
3. COSTLY ALTERNATIVES TO BEST LIVING OR WORKING ARRANGEMENTS	If divorce or separation follows marital conflict, duplication of housing costs, travel costs, and other expenses. Retirement savings lost.
4. DESTRUCTION OR LOSS OF VALUABLE CONNECTIONS (Risk Of Alienation Of Relatives, Friends, Co-Workers)	Your network of friends and coworkers take sides and withdraw support. Opportunities disappear or are blocked because the necessary connections are lost. Emotional cost: Isolation, self-doubt, hesitance to develop new connections; fear of being hurt again. Self-esteem can diminish or disappear if people who love you are not supporting you.
5. LOSS OF PERSONAL PROPERTY	Conflict forces sometimes to change locations and to dispose of personal property in a fast way, giving away or abandoning dear possessions accumulated along life.
6. LEGAL COSTS (If Divorce)	If divorcing through an adversarial procedure, going to court will take endless expenses difficult to estimate, like lawyer’s time. Beyond financial expenses, there is all the grief of going to court and having to tell again your marital pains. Included here should be the expenses allocated to child support.
7. STRESS-RELATED COSTS: Psychotherapy, Clinical Visits, Medical Treatments	Constant conflict-related stress produces psychosomatic impacts, and a general diminution of health and well-being. Being unhappy is a lot of grief and it takes a toll in your body which is worst if domestic violence is present. Cost can include from general practitioner visits to heal from PTSD, compulsive eating, migraines, ulcers, weight gain, and other body-mind ailments, to psychotherapy.
8. THINK OF THE COST YOU PAY NOW FOR YOUR OWN EMOTIONAL CONFLICTS?	Realize that without help and support, any emotional conflict that you can’t handle efficiently will only get worse. Like a credit card you’re not paying off, the interest only gets higher and higher – you lose more and more love, support, and trust in yourself and others pursuing and staying in your toxic relationships. To get help and start your healing process today, simply contact Coach Nora!